Posts Tagged ‘Weather’

The reason why this has “never been done before” is because…it’s stupid!

I wonder, what is the point of telling me the temperature when next to it you tell me what temperature it FEELS like? Isn’t that the point of telling me the temperature? I need to know whether I’m wearing flannel underwear or my mesh 80’s florescent camouflage pants today. Don’t make it complicated.

In fact, just tell me what to wear. That’s all I want to know anyway.

Today: Puffy Shirt, Long Johns, and Heavy Waterproof Jacket equipped with a pirate sword

Tonight: 80% Chance of finger gloves, snow boots, and ski mask.

How can the weather forecaster expect to gain our trust when they’re giving false hope of rain with that “Chance of 30%” nonsense? What they’re subliminally telling you is, “There’s more of a chance that it’s not going to rain.” Tell you what; just give me the higher odds. “There’s an 85% chance there won’t be a cloud in the sky, and later this week you’ll see a 100% chance of sunshine.”

Ah confidence. That feels better.

Movie Rating

In this motion picture there will be extremely wet rain, unbelievably windy conditions, and astonishing dark clouds with chances of lightening that may be too intense for children under 13. Not only will there be intense weather, but there will be very bad intense weather.

Do you know anyone whose moods are influenced by the weather?

When it’s overcast they’re depressed and when the sun’s out they’re happy. But, when they’re looking at the weather forecast, their moods become too unpredictable, especially when they’re basing their psyche on the weatherman’s guesswork. Weathermen don’t exactly have the best track record, if you know what I mean. They’re referring to chances that I just can’t trust.

“Sorry Bill, I know you’re in a good mood right now, but there’s a 30% possibility of rain today…and I can’t take that chance.”

Because, the last thing we all need is a “personality forecaster.”

“We can expect the early morning to be mostly happiness turning into partly crazy by mid-afternoon, with a 70% chance of schizophrenia this evening.” – The Weatherman